When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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