Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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