Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
