I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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