i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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