My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
God I need to hump something, right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
