I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
