Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
