thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize