P.S. I can't hear my feet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Couch. On fire.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
