So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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