Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
