my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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