the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
