is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
