Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
