Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
