I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
