My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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