Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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