i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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