hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
