Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
