maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You made out with two different species that night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
