can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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