Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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