the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
