I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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