6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
