Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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