I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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