Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
