The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
