she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
