she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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