Apparently you make a good broom.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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