The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
