But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
