just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
