two words: eviction party
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
