He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
