wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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