I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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