Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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