I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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