I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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