my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So much rum. So many feels.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
