you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
