It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
