She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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