Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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