I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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