How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
