do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
