There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh god it's open bar.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
