3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
